1st NOVEMBER 2011

Useful Small Talk Technique

My associate Helen Nicholson is a networking expert and over the years we have run very effective workshops together. Being able to initiate small talk is an important skill in being an effective networker and communicator. Here are some of her tips to develop small talk techniques:

1. Get in a positive state of mind: Get yourself in the mood of gratitude and happiness in order to see great things in small things. That way you will talk animatedly and with passion which will allow you to catch the attention. Don't start off with a grumble or a complaint (Unless you are British, that seems to work for them), people have enough bad news to put up with so give them something to feel cheery about.

2. Assess your environment: Pay attention to your environment and what's around you(e.g. supermarket, supermarket aisle, drivers license office) and begin a conversation around it. However, be careful about making very personal remarks.

3. Remind yourself that if you start off by praising somebody, always be honest. People can tell the difference, and dishonesty will kill the conversation.

4. Be generic: E.g.: "Do you know where I can find the(whatever it is)","Hey I like your shoes where did you get them?", "Why don't you go ahead of me, you have fewer items than I do."

5. Ask questions and more importantly LISTEN to the answers: For example, "Why did you prefer this brand over that?", "Is there another way to...?" Instead of closed "yes or no" questions, ask them ones that they have to answer with more than one word. Be careful not to 'machine gun' the person you are talking to with questions. Listen and respond to their answers otherwise you will come across as insincere.

6. Don't stand too close or else they will retreat into their shell. Do not stand too far away, otherwise they will think you are afraid of them, or not talking to them. Generally, a little more than arm's length away is a good display of personal boundaries. Pay attention to your body language this will communicate a lot more about you than what you are trying to say. Crossed arms = Defensive or excessive pointing = Aggression.

7. Stand comfortably on both feet. Do not fidget. Look them in the eye when they speak or respond, though do not stare for more than a few seconds at a time, also remember to nod and shift your weight don't stand there like stone or that will kinda creep them out.

8. Go off on a tangent, small talk does not have to end at the topic it started at. Pick up clues from questions and answers and spin off of them. "That is great biltong, are you watching the game tomorrow?" [Answer] "Yeah, GO BULLS, you don't happen to know a place they sell fan jerseys and all that do you?"

9. Laugh at yourself, but do not be the clown, and do not burst into hysterical giggles. Also do not only talk about yourself or mope about your day, but don't be a happy barbie doll either.

10. Avoid Stimulants: If you know you are going to be having conversations with strangers and you are nervous, drinking pints of coffee will make you edgy and erratic.

11. End the conversation with something nice. For example, 'It was nice talking to you' or  'Have a great day'.

Contact Helen for more information: helen@helennicholson.co.za